I’m Jamie, one half of Daddy and Dad with my fiancé Tom. We blog about adoptive parenting via our award-winning blog, Daddy & Dad. With the help of Adoption Focus, we are proud dads to sibling boys Lyall and Richard.
Back when I was a kid in the 1980s and 90s people often used to tell me that I would make a fantastic father. I had several adorable little cousins who I loved caring for and a couple of mischievous boys living over the road who I would babysit most weekends to allow their parents some time to themselves. In short, being around children made me really happy.
I daydreamed about becoming a Dad myself someday, but as a secret gay lad with a seemingly bleak future I buried the idea. At the time being gay was completely immoral, particularly among my peers and family. It sounds outrageous to say this now, but the 1980s and 90s were dark, homophobic times for gay people - we were falsely labelled as the kind of people that you wouldn’t trust around children.
Additionally, there were very few gay dads, or even gay people around back then to take inspiration from. Anyway, enough of all that... you get the idea. Actually, besides being gay, my childhood was generally very happy and comfortable. Fast-forward twenty(ish) years and here I am with a loving family of my own. My dream came true!
I wanted to share some advice with young LGBTQ+ people who, like me as a child, dream of becoming a parent someday. It’s advice that I wish I’d been given, myself.
It’s OK to enjoy children
This one’s aimed mainly at boys, really. It’s all too easy to worry about what your friends and peers think about you, isn’t it. Well, don’t worry about them… If you enjoy being around children or if you have a niggling interest in childcare that you want to explore, GET INVOLVED!
You’ll find that many parents, particularly parents of boys or siblings will be surprisingly receptive to the idea of a young, male babysitter or carer for their kids. Teenage boys provide an energetic, edgy dynamic that even the coolest parents can’t replicate!
Get in touch with your local cubs and beavers groups to see if they’re looking for help. Also many youth centres struggle for reliable support and would like to hear from you. Don’t worry too much about hiding your sexuality, by the way. Be yourself.
When you do eventually start to plan your own family, any experience like this will help enormously.
Look after your money
When I was a young adult (making myself sounding extremely old again… oops) I was very inexperienced with money and, well, basically spent everything I earned far too quickly! It was so tempting, particularly when I was only working casually in pubs and restaurants to pay my rent and then splash the rest on clothes and socialising.
Luckily when I met my fiancé Tom I was encouraged to spend more wisely and save a little.
When you adopt, as a single person or as a couple with your partner, it’s inevitable that you’ll need to take a considerable amount of time away from work while your child settles in. Your social worker will want to see that you’ve been able to save some money – not a huge amount, but at least enough to cover your rent for a few months while you’re away from work.
My advice would be to get into the habit of saving a small percentage of your income in a savings account.
Follow LGBTQ+ parents
Not literally (as that might land you in trouble) but I’d recommend that you start to follow LGBTQ+ families online.
Many LGBTQ+ parents blog, vlog and post pictures as they go about their day-to-day lives. LGBTQ+ families are becoming increasingly visible throughout social media and they’re doing a fantastic job in raising awareness of alternative family planning methods like adoption along the way.
Most blogging families (including us) are very happy to receive supportive messages and questions from young people who aspire to become parents when they’re older, so reach out and ask questions.
Here’s a selection of inspiring families that we follow:
- www.daddyanddad.co.uk (that’s us!)
- www.thegaydybunchfamily.com
- www.theunlikelydad.com
- www.designerdaddy.com
- www.diydaddyblog.com
- www.nickkingsworld.com
- www.twodadsinlondon.com
In summary, you will get your opportunity to become a parent one day – there’s no doubt about that. Don’t listen to people who tell you otherwise. Enjoy your young years.
You can follow Jamie and Tom via their blog and on Instagram.